SoCiAlViBe!!! <3


Thursday, August 25, 2011



"Void (noun): A completely empty space."

The void. Vast, gaping. An abyss of the unknown, of nothing. An indescribable pit of raw absence and naught. To gaze into the void would surely be an experience that no compilation of words could ever bring to justice. Yet they try.
I stand here, and peer into the swirling emptiness that lay before me and I cannot help but wonder; is there really nothing there? I see a mass, made of grey, that swirls and drifts like clouds spiraling down a heavenly drain. I feel as one may feel had they been far out in space, detached from the world and the life around them. Unaware of existence; unaware of themselves. Focused only, on the ever present mystery and the emptiness before them.
That is how I feel.
There is a roaring in my ears. A sound I never heard, in all my days alive upon the earth. Alive within the life I made upon that turning mass of spite. It presses in on me, surrounds me with its ringing silence, heavier than the largest stone, berating me, crushing my being until I feel I cannot take it anymore. The dull, consistent drum of nothing works its way down inside me, refracting around my very core, dragging me down into the nothing until my mind is blank and null. I cannot think. I cannot feel. There is nothing within me, but the silence of the void, and the weight of the nothingness inside.
Where am I?
I feel myself slipping within the recess of my mind. I hear myself screaming, trying desperately to hold on to... what? What is left for me here?
The void is at my feet. The slow, seductive dance of the monotonous haze drawing me in, teasing me with mystery, with intrigue, in the way a woman would tease a man with the promise of something more if he should only make one move. I feel it wants me. I hear it calling to a depth of my soul I was never awakened to before this very moment, and I am moved. Desire to fulfill what could only be described as destiny hits me with a passion stronger than anything I ever imagined. The urge to enter this vacuum and become one with the void is overwhelming, crippling. It brings me to my knees. The temptation is taking over, curling around my very being, dragging me down, towards the grey, towards the cloud of wonder and unknown, filling me with desire to let myself fall forward and plunge into the void.
I fight it, I kick, I scream. Somewhere in this new found crevice of my inner being, I do not wish to give myself up. A dread settles in my chest like a stone, cold and heavy, sucking every once of numbness from my bones. Too late, I feel emotion again.
The abyss controls me.
I feel myself slipping, falling.
The void has won.

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 1:24 AM
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Thursday, December 24, 2009


First off can i just say... MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

You know... it doesnt feel like Christmas... i mean the decs are up, the tree is standing tall and the various sized gifts are all wrapped and under it... but theres just no spirit for me... possibly because i was broke after moving to the city, and therefore unable to buy any gifts for my family and friends... sorry everyone =S
Anyway, Christmas is not what i wanted to write about... no no no... im gonna write about THE CITY!!! =D
Honestly one of the best choices i ever made =) I love it!
Okay, okay, okay... i live with my sister in one of the cities higher-class suburbs (AWESOME! THANKS GRANDPARENTS!!! =D) cheap rent, cheap food, close to the city its all good! The house is small, yes, but its cosy and familiar, although theres no awkward childhood memories, as we have made it our own pretty much =) im much more comfortable living in my grandmas house than i thought i would be... My room is all mine haha =P despite me saying i was going to keep it neat and organised, my stuff managed to get EVERYWHERE!! its epic =)
The one bad thing about my room is........................ i have no blinds XD and the sun comes up at 5-5:30... which is when my neighbour decides to have a shower as well... so not only do i have the hot and bright morning sun shining on my face, i can hear the people next door taking a shower... ah well thats city life for you =) i wouldnt have it any other way!!! (except i would like blinds....)
Ive started working =D In in the Deli over in Inglewood, which is on the other side of Perth lol XD which means it takes and hour to get there... first i have to catch a train from Shenton Park to Maylands, and then i have to walk for at least 20 minutes up hills and through the heat of whatever time of day it is, to get to coles... lets just say ive taken to wearing shorts more often XD also i dont mind the walking coz im losing weight!! =D ive lost a few kilos so far im feeling great =D although its gonna suck in winter coz ill have to catch two trains and a bus most days =( unless Global Warming kicks in double time.... which would also suck... anyway, work is pretty okay... never really liked the deli but meh its not that bad... one truly sucky thing is they screwed up my first pay!!! Instead of paying me for the full week off work, they paid me two days!! Becaaaaaaaaaaause, they changed my clock-on number and didnt tell me! LAME!! Ah well, at least im gonna get a massive pay on Wednesday =D but still..... i had plans for that money...
One of which is on Monday =D im seeing Brendan, and we were gonna, well... still gonna try to... go to the Dinosaurs Alive Exhibition at the museum!!! He really likes Dinosaurs and i like them too so its petty cool =) ill blog about it after we go lolage XD basically they are to-scale replicas of dinosaurs... which are motorised!!! AUDIO INCLUDED!!! Its got some awesome reviews as well im very excited =)
Oh yes, to more on Dinosaurs.... Brendan and I have adopted a Velociraptor, which he has named Viktor, and a Stegosaurus, which i named Joshua =) They live in Kings Park at the moment, but we are thinking we are gonna have to move Josh soon so he has fresh food... and Viktor roams Perth at night and eats the Homeless and the Douchbags of Perth =) we figured it was a pretty good deal haha! Which reminds me i have to check up on them when i get back... (in in Duns for Christmas... yay...)
Oh heres something exciting that happened in Perth!!! Andi, Lily and I (they are two of my good friends) met Patrick Wolf!!! And we talked to him!! For a long time!!! =D He's really nice and friendly and we were sooo stoked... but the best part is... HE PUT US ON HIS GUEST LIST!!!! He was to play in Capitol that night, but we couldnt go because it was an 18+ show... it turns out he hated that it was and he took our names and told out manager to put us on his private guest list!!!! ARGH!!! =D it was AWESOME!! Bad news is... Andi and Lily couldnt go =( i tried but stupid me forgot my passport!!! Im and IDIOT!! hahaha but still it was pretty epic just to be on his PRIVATE guest list!! =D im still stoked!! =D
Um Um Um... what else has happened... not much tbqh lol XD You know... one of the best things about living where i am, is walking to the top of the hill i live on each day, and looking out over the trees and roofs... and seeing Perth... in all its wonderful glory =) Truely an awesome city, i dont care what anyone else says... I LOVE PERTH!!!
Okay i want to tell you about Brendan now =) Obviously ive been spending time with him and its amazing =) hes amazing!! Hes so damn funny!!! Im truely blessed in having him =) Ive been over to his house a couple times (HE HAS A POOOOOOL!!!!!!) and hes spent a few nights at mine... we went to SubiFest together and then the movies =) Gah i miss him now =( cant see him til Sunday =( cant believe its been a month already hahahaha XD where did the month go?!?! =P

Okay well i guess thats about it... i just want to say that no matter how great the city is... i still remember and i still miss all my friends down south everyday =( MISS YOU GUYS!!!

xoxo em

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 11:13 PM
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Friday, December 4, 2009


Hmm... yeah okay i admit its such a cliche title XD XD haha call me sentimental ;)



Basically this is an update on my life =) Which is going just swell =D



First things first.



Last Saturday, the 28th of November, something amazing happened... Brendan James Hill became my official boyfriend =) aaaahahaha!!! I cannot even BEGIN to describe how magical and happy this makes me feel! ive known him for a couple months now. We met at party one night and went from there. I must admit we had a bit of a silent period, when things changed a lot for us both, but we reconnected and now... yeah =) The only thing was, he lives in Joondalup in Perth, and im still down in good old Dunsborough... LAME!! The good news though, comes a little later in this blog. Right now i just want to gush over him =)

Hes just great. Hes sweet and funny and witty and smart and sexy and a complete loser XD hes strong and protective and tough, though he has an emotional side, which i adore =) its not to easy to find that in men... He also has a very good taste in games ;) MORTAL KOMBAT FTW!! He just cant accept that i kick his arse =P

Oh wait... theres one bad thing about him... and i dont know how im gonna cope with it but its part of what i signed up for. And no matter how terrible and seemingly unforgivable this is, Im choosing to try for as long as im able... The thing is...

He thinks Xbox is better than PS3...

*shakes head slowly*

I admit, its going to be hard not to let this get to me, and im going to try my very hardest to save him from this thought, because PS3 obviously KILLS the Xbox. But the thing is, even with this flaw, i still like him =) it does very very very little to change the fact that he is awesome and im so glad that i met him =)

I often wonder if things would have turned out this way had i stayed ;) he should get that =D

Well, tomorrow i get to see him for the first time in months!!! =D honestly its been at least three months since we last hung out at the beach... =( and i miss him more than i thought i would... well anyway i get to see him tomorrow =) and i get to sing!! I told him on msn webcam one night that i had been dancing around the kitchen singing "I CANT WAIT TIL SAT-UR-DAY!!! I CANT WAIT TIL SAT-UR-DAY!!" and he told me he would like it much more when hes holding me and im singing "IM IN PERTH NOW IN THE ARMS OF MY BOOOOOOYFRIEND!!" i told him i would actually sing that... he told me he would hold me to it ;) Im totally going to call his bluff =D



Okay, onto the reason im seeing him tomorrow, and the other big news i have.

Tomorrow, im moving out of home to the city!!!! =D im moving in with my sister!!! ARGH IT FEELS SOOO GOOOOOOD!!!!!! Ive been waiting so long for this! I just finished school, and now im moving out =) you might be thinking "arnt you a little young and taking this a little to fast?" well no! Yes, im young, and yes it seems fast, but the faster im out the sooner my life can begin i say =) Ill start part time work, relax a little next year, then start looking into acting and theatre. Just getting out of this tiny little tourist trap is what i really need. I need to get away, to get a change of scene, a change of location, a change of life!! I cant wait to see my friends, my sister... my boyfriend ;) I cant wait to start work, to have my own real income, to pay bills, to cook my own dinner, to rely on myself... yeah i know it'll take a few weeks to get settled, and at first it might not seem that great, but honestly... i think this is exactly what i need. Life down here has become so unbearable... the limitations, the same thing over and over... at least in the city there will always be some unexplored crevice... down here ive seen everything so many times it makes me sick...

The bad thing is... im leaving so many people behind... my family, my friends, my co workers... my Internet... (thats right, i wont have the net for a couple of weeks *shock horror* but ill get it as soon as i can...) im going to miss all the people down here, and even though ill be down to visit occasionally, i'll always miss them.

Especially my newer friends... Jammeson for instance. I had a thing with his brother a couple months ago, which kinda collapsed after he was a complete douchbag. But even though things with me and him didnt work out, i made a great friend in Jammeson. Yeah, hes younger than me, but so? We skate and talk and joke and have a great time =) i kinda regret not getting to know him sooner, as we only started really talking a couple weeks ago...

Another new(er) friend is Josh. Man, im really, really going to miss Josh especially after january. I have a very, very strong feeling im never going to see him again... I tried to arrange to meet up with him before i left, but i guess he was too busy.... The thing with Josh is... well, i dont know what the thing with Josh is... im just going to miss him, so much. Josh, if you read this, i miss you, and i hope you find everything you're looking for in life and at the army... Im gonna miss your rhino face...

And i promise, if i make it, ill send you a post card xoxo

You probably think im being dramatic. Well, maybe i am, thats just who i am, which is why im gonna go for the theatre life. I dont really care if i am dramatic. Id rather be dramatic and say everything i want to say, than be whatever the oppisite to dramatic is and have a life of regrets.

That said i want to move on down my friends list.

Noah. I love you. Not in the "I love you so much, i always have, marry me" kind of way, but in the way someone loves someone who has nothing in common with them, except the mutual feelings towards Jess Shirley. You have always been more of a friend than i deserve, and though i know ill be seeing you again, i just want to make that clear. I also wish to remind you that we have a book to write. And im keeping the title whether you help to write it or not. No matter what happened between you two, it simply cannot be called anything else.

Sam, even though i doubt you will even read this, i want to thank you. I should have listened to you about Reuben, i should have valued your opinion more than i did, and im sorry. You have been nothing other than a good friend to me, and you helped to make my years 11 and 12 bearable. I know i wasnt the best friend at times, and im sorry for that, but i just want to wish you luck in Queensland, and in the rest of your life. Ill never forget you.

Ill never forget you either Bronwen. Yeah i know we werent too close, but you made maths and physics that much more interesting. Thankyou for that.

Simon... well what can i say XD i know for certian that ill be seeing you again, i just want to say thankyou. For everything. For always being there, for always being such a good friend, for accepting me so easliy, i hope you understand that ill always call you my brother. No matter what happens. I dont know if i ever told you this before, but that night at Jame's party, when i got totally hammered and ended up crying on your shoulder... you actually saved my life. I was on my way down to the beach to try and drown myself... you stopped me. I owe you for that. More than i could ever repay.

And finally... the one, the only... Pleb =) even the thought of you and your doofy face make me smile =) you will always be the Pleb to me, and i will never forget you. I really hope we stay connected after i move... after all, thats why you got a facebook account =D

I dont know why i just wrote all of that. I guess i just felt i had to let it all out. Maybe im taking this move a little too seriously, or maybe im just scared of losing the ones i hold dear to me. God knows ive already lost enough...



So now i must go. ill try to be back online as soon as i can. To every one of my friends... i love you. No matter what our history is, no matter how i know you, why i know you, whatever. I Love You All... and thankyou for being in my life <3>.



Emily <3



Ps. Natalie... NOOTS AND RAISINS!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D =D

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 9:49 PM
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Sunday, November 15, 2009


Trapped outside the world you want

so close you can feel his breath on the wind

You can never reach him again,

never hold him in your arms as you long to



You try so hard to touch his skin,

to reach ahead and take him as you wish

He knows you're there

You know he doesn't want you as you want him



The pain is crippling, deep inside

clawing at your chest in a desperate attempt to show itself

Yet you hold it back and know that even if he saw

it wouldn't make a difference



You know you should give up on him

You had your time, you must admit its gone

Unwilling to let it go, it felt so good to

fall asleep in his arms and know you were safe



Anguish



Loosing sleep at night as you think about his rest

Unfair, unjust maybe, its true

Yet you love the fact that he sleeps soundlessly

At least you hope beyond hope that he does



You mouth is dry, your throat is choking

you're suffocating at the thought that you are unwanted

unloved

unseen

unheard

by the one person you care most for



Agony becomes more than a word



Drowning takes on new meaning



At times you want to float away

let the pain engulf your every aspect

please just not one more moment of this yearning

anything to stop the tears



your mind is blank when you realise that even if he sees this, even if he knows how much feeling you hold in your heart, how much he is loved for all that he is...



...He wouldn't care

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 10:53 PM
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Wednesday, October 28, 2009


so i guess i should write something before the end of october...

dunno about you guys but my october sucked. i mean it reeeeeeally sucked. i gained, and i lost, and i lost more than i had in the first place, which doesnt even make sense!

so id write more but you'd probably just think im an attention seeking emo kid with scene hair and smokers lung... so byebye you got your october blog.

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 10:56 PM
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Monday, September 14, 2009


yeah... so i just wrote out a long blog about my feelings lol XDX decided not to post it... coz im cowardly like that XD

soooo instead im gonna talk about my new clothes =P

basically they arent new XD my sis just chucked a fuckload of clothes on my floor and said "here to go" which is good enough for me XD

cooooooz amongst the pile were these EPIC GREEN SHORT SHORTS!!! MY WORD I LOOOOOOVE THEM!!! im gonna wear the green out of them =P only i need suspenders XD XD anyone know where i can get a pair?!?!?! =D =D dude they are epic!

in other news i feel like being a plane today =) aaaand im over tired cozi stayed on the phone for almost 6 ours last night/this morning... =D fun fun...

aaaaand i wish it was wednesday.... I WANT WEDNESDAY!!!! *hmph*

also im a kitty =) apparently... according to my brain XD XD

ooooh no XD im getting emotional XD im going to go before i post something ill regret XD XD even thought thats impossible considering i dont regret things XD XD but even so... it might make me feel bad lol!!!!

im off =)

WAIT!!!

one last thing...

I LOVE JADE PUGET TOM STURRIDGE AND PARKWAY DRIVE!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 9:45 PM
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first blog in a while... i finally have something to blog about...



A lot can happen in a short time... things can change... things can grow... things can die and things can even out to what they should have been all along. Other things are inevitable. Horrible, painful, unavoidable truths that are yet to come.



The most painful thing is knowing that it cant happen. Not even for the short time we have. There is little i wouldnt give, even just for those few months... I cant think of anything else. I only see the memories.

It hurts... no one has ever looked at me the way he did... it was so different to anything ive ever experienced... maybe i just havent experienced enough... maybe im right... maybe... maybe there's too many maybes in this situation, too many speculations, too many wonderings. Too many hopes, too many thoughts...



One thing i know for sure is im insanely selfish.

Im sorry...

Posted by Posted by SpaggyB at 9:27 PM
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